A new leaf. . .

So, it has been several months since I have posted anything on my blog. There are many reasons for that, but the main reason is I have hopes of a new website that has been a vision for a couple of years. It is going to happen this year. When it comes I will be sure to post it over on this blog.

The other reason is I didn't realize I was really falling into a very despair time of my life. It was only a few weeks ago that I realized where I was at in my life and that it was time for a NEW LEAF to be turned over. I was going through each day, taking care of family, taking care of things that needed to be done, but I couldn't figure out why I wasn't holding up under the millions of things that I used to take on. I was becoming a home body and was happy if I went a day not seeing or interacting with anyone. That is not my personality, but it seemed alright at this time in my life.

A few weeks ago I had a Friday that was more than I could handle. I will never forget it. It was definately one of my weakest days in my life. I felt alone. I felt lost. I couldn't quite crying. I felt like there was no hope. I just wanted to quit. Why did my life have to be the way it was? What had I done that brought me to this point? I had always been active in the church, I held church callings and served faithfully in them (even when I really struggled with the calling), I took my children to church, taught them to pray, read scriptures with them, served in my community, had an amazing husband who worked so hard (unbelievable hard), held strong through some tough things that had happened in my life, went to the temple faithfully, etc. I am sure we can all make our list.

Then I knelt in prayer. Pleaded for some help. I figured I would get up off my knee's and life would be the same. The weight would still be there. That's what I figured. Despair and hopelessness had taken over. I then got up off my knee's and turned on the TV. I figured I would escape the problems by turning on the TV and laying in bed. KBYU was on and it was just after 11 a.m. My son had been watching cartoons earlier. The first words I hear are "I hope ya know we had a hard time." It was the conference talk from last General Conference. It was amazing. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Saturday was still full of hopelessness and feeling like there were no answers. Sunday I got up and went to church. It was Ward Conference. Our bishop and stake president were speaking in Sacrament Meeting. What amazing talks!!! I have to say that was the major turning point in my life.

Our Stake President talked about taking one day at a time and doing all we could in that day. Recognize that another day was a blessing. To not look too far ahead. I am doing that. I am taking one day at a time and recognizing the blessings that lie in that day. Even when the bad things happen, I turn it into a positive. I feel like I am recognizing the blessings everyday. I am no longer looking just at myself and my challenges. The Lord loves me and has blessed me BEYOND any list I could make.

I can't believe the miracles that have come into our lives since I turned over this new leaf. It's not perfect, trust me, but the problems don't feel as heavy. In fact they don't feel heavy at all, because I turn them over to the Lord. I have had to put things into perspective. At Ward Conference my bishop listed things that we needed to be doing and that the Lord wouldn't withhold blessings. As that list was made there were definately things that I needed to improve on. I know that as I take one day at a time that I can get through things.

Anyways, I am a pretty private person when it comes to my life and my feelings, but I was at church today and the lesson in Relief Society was on Hope and it was a Conference talk by President Uchdorf and it had such an impact on me I felt like I needed to share this. I felt like if it even helped one person that it was important to share.

I have no idea who reads my blog and it has been stale for so long, but for those that are reading this I want to thank my friends, family, neighbors, friends at the school and those that blog that I read. All of those bring smiles to my face and help me recognize the great blessings I have.

Thank you for bearing with me as it is long, but it was important to me to share.